I visit Oman on short trips to do Leadership workshops twice a year. While I am there, I stay at my sister’s house. One day, I was invited for dinner by a company official on behalf of whom I deliver the workshops. I gladly accepted it and was advised to come over to his place at @20.00 hours. After work, I went home to freshen up and change. There was a friend at home and knowing about my dinner appointment, decided to give me a lift. He is a great guy. I thought it was a kind gesture on his part. I accepted it and there this story begins.
Once seated in the car, I observed him speed apparently for no reason. I cautioned him. He ignored. The distance between us and the car in front of us, at times, was not even 10 meters @100 km /hour. We were not in a hurry at all. That made me nervous.
When the car in front did not give him access to go ahead, he started howling and murmured that the driver in front should not be driving that car. All along, I could see that it was his fault, yet he was blaming the other.
At certain points during the journey, he drove above speed limits and then slowed down in areas where he knew there was a speed control radar that could monitor him. Once past it, he continued speeding and felt proud that he had beaten the system.
At traffic lights, he always made comments about how much he knew the other car alongside would make an attempt to beat him at the next start. He would then accelerate to get into competition as to who would move first and speed ahead.
If the car next to him was a superior car and was driven by a young local male, he had comments as to how they would drive rashly and speed on highways. If it was a local woman driver in the same, he would comment why they even wanted one, when they could not use it in the way it was designed for. So, I had to hear a lot of this kind of talk, not concerning us two, but others.
As a Leadership coach, I imagined leaders (as drivers) and those that are seated with them (as followers). I share the following observation, which many Leaders do, without even knowing that they do.
- Make sure that those that travel with you are comfortable.
- Do not ignore what your followers have to say to you at times.
- Do not be critical of others.
- Do not blame others when the fault is your own. Take ownership and learn.
- It is not about your driving skills; it is about them and how secure they feel.
- It is not about your smartness, but their safety.
- It is not about the type of car you are in, it is about their experience in it.
- It is not about the destination, but the journey.
- It is not about you, it’s about them.
Trust is at the core of Leadership. Followers look for one reason to follow a Leader, but continue to look for many reasons, to keep following the leader.
Concerning my friend, he had a great chance to influence me positively, but he failed. Not many give you a second chance to influence them again. I knew him, I liked him, but I did not trust his driving. I believe that the way you do little things, is the way you will do big things. I will in future politely say no to his offer of giving me a ride, even if his intentions were noble. I was his guest in a foreign land and he was not aware of it. He did not bother that my safety, while in the car, was his responsibility. He never thought long term, that in the event of any mishap, my wife and kids would have to suffer. He lost my respect.
Finally, we reached the destination. I got out, said thanks and goodbye to him.
After dinner, I gladly called a taxi and was happy to pay and sit in peace while being driven safely back home. He followed all the traffic signs well. The taxi driver did not bother to influence me by his talks, but his actions did influence me a lot! For me, he was a Leader!
Dr. Owen Fernandes, MBA
